O homem perdido e a mulher que se acha

Por xicosa

22/05/12 02:26

Macho não ganha flor, como ele diz em um dos seus melhores livros de contos, mas o Vampiro de Curitiba ganhou o mais importante prêmio literário da língua portuguesa: o Camões.

O misterioso Dalton Trevisan, 86, é o cara. Foi baseado nesse título aí acima que escrevi estas maltraçadas linhas, em uma singela homenagem, quase um pio da corruíra:

“Se o macho está perdido, amigo, como se apregoa por ai, não sou eu que vou procurá-lo”, diz o escriba Marçal Aquino, em animada mesa da nossa taberna lítero-boêmia em SP, a Mercearia São Pedro.

Claro que o mote do autor de “Faroestes” rendeu e desabou, graças ao abençoado combustível de Salinas, para uma buena onda digna das páginas mais quentes do escriba cubano Pedro Juan Gutiérrez.

É, amigo, nunca foi tão difícil ser homem, melhor, nunca foi tão difícil ser macho, para usar a acepção mais testosteronizada do gênero. Os dilemas são muitos e o meio termo corre sempre o risco de ser mal-compreendido.

Continuar sendo o velho e irredutível macho-jurubeba, o macho à válvulas, ou ceder às saudáveis tentações dos metrossexuais e outras vãs modernidades?

O ideal, para os novos tempos, diriam os moderados, seria dosar um pouco de macheza à moda antiga com mais cuidado com a aparência, uma guaribada no guarda-roupa, uma cosmética sem exageros…

Nada de ter uma bancada de creminhos maior do que a patroa. Assim não dá, companheiro, elas odeiam esse tipo de concorrência.

Mas ai não correríamos o risco de perder a personalidade, a pegada?, indagariam os mais tradicionais, aqueles que nunca se permitiram a nada mais do que um punhado de Minâncora ou banha de peixe-boi sobre uma espinha.

Perfume ou cheiro natural de homem? E tome dilemas noite adentro. Há quem não admita nada mais além de um Avanço ou Leite de Rosas. Basta.

Estão vendo como não está sendo fácil ser macho?

Recebemos ou não aquelas flores?, como no livro do Vampiro de Curitiba.

Ficou difícil. Você pede em casamento, ela toma uma coca zero.

A incompreensão nunca foi tão grande. Os justos avanços femininos, no entanto, nos embaralham e o nosso machismo latino ferve no óleo quente do atraso.

Puxar ou não a cadeira no restaurante? Abrir ou não a porta do carro? Tomar iniciativa e pagar logo a conta ou esperar que ela divida? Até que ponto seguir o velho código do cavalheirismo vai incomodá-la na sua ndependência?

Na alcova, então, mais um balaio de dúvidas. Ser um hétero sensível ou um lenhador selvagem?

Enfim, não tem bula, não tem receita, não há um padrão a seguir, embora revistas masculinas insistam em um certo “novo homem”, criatura que já foi representada por David Beckham (da costela dele Deus criou o metrossexual) e mais recentemente pelo ator George Clooney, denominado übersexual, seja o lá o que diabo isso signifique.

E eu vou ficando por aqui… A continuar com essas dúvidas, o velho Francisco Nildemar, lá no Sítio das Cobras, em Santana do Cariri, nunca mais me deixa pedir a “bença, pai”. Diante de tais queixumes, o velho continua com uma simples e única receita, aquela mesma que aplicava nos corretivos aos seus filhos machos: “Seji home, cabra!”

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