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Para confortar os corações partidos

Por xicosa
14/05/12 14:31

Diante de cartas e mais cartas de leitores desesperados, baixou de novo o encosto de Miss Corações Solitários neste desalmado escriba.

Miss C.S. é era uma cigana da Andaluzia cujo espírito se divide hoje entre um quintal do Capibaribe e uma choupana,para lá de ecologicamente correta, na Serra do Araripe, na divisa do Exu com o Crato.

Com a sua poderosa entidade, M.C.S. socorre machos & fêmeas à beira de um ataque de nervos… ou simplesmente portadores do inapagável fogo nas entranhas. Às missivas, pois, aqui histericamente resumidas:

Querida Miss C.S., o fingimento do orgasmo também pode ser uma prova de amor? (Sonsa de Mimoso, PE)

Resposta: Estimada consulente, é preferível a dramaturgia do gozo àquela velha dor de cabeça que te abate justamente na hora em que ele te procura. Há um quê de distanciamento brechtiano no orgasmo fingido. O prazer  fingido engrandece o homem, além de ser mais verossímil do aquele espetáculo verdadeiro e exagerado, cheio de caras, bocas e nove-horas. Sim,é prova de amor e caridade cristã. Prossiga. Cariño, M.C.S.

Gloriosa Miss C.S., o cachorro que arrumei é um borracho, um Vicente Celestino, bebe sempre demais e não funciona quando mais careço. Que fazer? (Maria da Precisão, Conjunto Ceará,Fortaleza).

Resposta: Muita calma nessa hora, criatura. Trata-se do famoso tipo homem-tupperware, aquele que você guarda para comer no dia seguinte.Sorte, M.C.S.

Bem-aventurada Miss C.S., ele não me procura mais, o que fazer? (Desvalida do meio do mundo, Tejipió,Recife)

Resposta – Pobre alma em desassossego, nada de apelar para cursos de striptease ou aquelas mil e uma novas posições estranhas que você leu na revista “Nova”. Uma amiga minha, por exemplo, tentou uma daquelas posições inovadoras e acabou com o marido num hospital de fraturas _e de madrugada, o que é pior. Só te resta, pobre alma, seguir o conselho do mago: senta-te à margem do Rio Piedra e chora.

Tuas lágrimas irrigarão teu caminhoe da terra brotarão novos caules. E tem mais: larga esse inútil infeliz que não serve nem mesmo para trocar lâmpadas e abrir teus potinhos de conservas. Coragem, tua M.C.S.

Poderosa Miss C.S., fui vergonhosamente traído por minha mulher, tipo flagrante delito, o que fazer? (Devoto da Gaia Ciência, Cajazeiras, PB )

Resposta: Amigo incoformado, deixo aqui, como filosofia de consolação, a sabedoria de um pára-choque que acaba de me abalroar: “Chifre foi feito pra homem, boi usa de enxerido”. Sem mais,  M.C.S.

Escreva você também para nossa cigana dos corações partidos!

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