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Contra a pijamização do sexo e do amor

Por xicosa
04/05/12 11:23

Sexta-feira é dia de etiqueta no blog. No episódio de hoje: usos & costumes no lar doce lar.

O pijama, amigo, é o paletó de madeira do amor.

E não adianta acreditar nos pijaminhas modernos. Fashion ou à moda antiga, o resultado é o mesmo.

O amor dispensa fardamentos.

O mesmo papai-mamãe, o mesmo pijama de bolinha, o mesmo sexo “funcionário público” e sem lirismo em cima daquele surrado colchão…

Se a rotina já é uma inimiga, sempre na tocaia, imagina a rotina apijamada, fardada, listrada ou de bolinhas.  

Pijamas fora, pombinhos. Chega desse rotineiro sono dos justos e acomodados.

Se o sexo só na cama burocratiza o desejo e o elimina, imagina o sexo de uniforme.

A cama, que segundo o tio Nelson, é um objeto metafísico. Seja que diabo isso signifique, faça na cama somente o obrigatório.

Porque você quer despertar o seu lado mais selvagem.

Ao mato, meu rapaz, como nossos kariris, tabajaras, fulniôs e caetés –os canibais que devoraram a culpa cristã ao deglutir o bispo Sardinha em Alagoas.

Aos lugares inusitados, principalmente os lugares públicos. Aos parques, aos bancos traseiros, aos passeios de bicicleta ao bosque mais próximo, às grotas, às cachoeiras, cascatas, aos quintais alheios com flores roubadas.

Porque o medo é o melhor dos excitantes. Sem medo do flagrante delito.

Além do temor, que põe os nervos à flor da pele e enriquece o gozo, a possibilidade de ser visto por um voyeur é também animadora.

Recomenda-se o lindo uso de saias e vestidos, peças que sempre vestem bem esse tipo de pecado. Fonte: os filmes do tarado e genial Tinto Brass.

Porque se você não transar fora da cama, outro(a) fatalmente vai propor ao/a parceiro(a). Eis o perigo.

Não deixe espaço na relação para que um(a) forasteiro(a), um(a) aventureiro(a) o faça. A vítima pode ser você. Não duvide: a concorrência é sempre criativa e atenta às necessidades de pensar em mudanças, no varejo e no atacado, para dar mais requinte ao babado. Ação, amigo.

E o melhor, querida Lola, fora da cama o miserável que divide contigo o mesmo teto não vai roncar logo depois do ato. No máximo fuma aquele king size com filtro de um homem satisfeito.

Fora da cama a gente imita o galo. O único bípede do mundo que canta, feliz, depois do gozo. O resto entristece e dorme.

Porque você precisa ter uma boa resposta para uma velha pergunta. Já pensou que coisa mais sem graça não ter uma boa resposta quando lhe perguntarem qual foi o lugar mais inusitado onde fez amor?

Não precisa ser algo obrigatoriamente extravagante, como o caixão funerário de Catherine Deneuve, no filme “A Bela da Tarde”, mas que seja algo, digamos, diferente.

Sem querer arrancar confissões, mas com alguma curiosidade, qual lugar você sugere, meu rapaz, minha doce rapariga?

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