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A Semana Santa e os pecados da carne

Por xicosa
02/04/12 12:36

Ah, permita, amigo, como ex-coroinha, mascar a hóstia da nostalgia e decretar: a Semana Santa foi praticamente extinta e desmoralizada pelos católicos.

Já era. Agora não passa de um vulgar feriadão de sexta-feira.

Senta que lá vem meu fragmento de “Amacord”, meus recuerdos de Ypacarai:

A melhor coisa da Semana Santa, além de não ter aula de segunda até sexta, era a proibição de tomar banho de quarta-feira por diante.

Outra coisa boa e perversa era fazer o papel, no drama da “Paixão de Cristo”, de um daqueles soldados que descem o chicote em Jesus.

Sem essa de distanciamento teatral. Era no lombo mesmo, o que dava mais veracidade ao espetáculo ali nas proximidades do Romeirão, em Juazeiro do Norte.

A Semana Santa era mesmo uma bênção dos céus. Não essa meia-boca de hoje, apenas com a sexta-feira dedicada ao ócio criativo.

E ai de quem teimasse contra as leis divinas. Ficava aleijado, óbvio, como nos milhares de relatos ouvidos a cada ano.

Quarta-feira de Trevas. A folhinha do calendário já deixava o veto ao banho mais do que explícito. Não podia mesmo. Nem de açude.

Só os desnaturados pecadores ou comunistas, e eles estão em toda parte, desdenhavam dos costumes, mesmo sob o risco de ficarem tronchos e empenados.

A pequena gente, a meninada, sempre correndo do banho qual um bode, vibrava com a proibição católica.

Parecíamos aquele garoto judeu que faz o Woody Allen criança no filme “A Era do Rádio”.

O gurizinho, fina ironia, chega à conclusão de que há uma grande vantagem em ter nascido em uma família pobre naqueles anos 1940, arredores de Nova York: não ser obrigado a escovar os dentes com o mesmo rigor que os filhos dos mais endinheirados.

Hoje em dia na mesma Juazeiro, conhecida como a Meca do Cariri, uma minoria de católicos mais ortodoxos ainda guarda alguns preceitos antigos da Semana Santa.

A maioria liberou geral. Até banho toma nas trevas da quarta-feira.

Nem mesmo a distância da carne vermelha é questão de vida ou morte. A própria igreja relaxou o expediente. Digamos que a carestia na venda do bacalhau e do peixe tenha contribuído, ano a ano, para esta reforma do cânone.

O que os mais fervorosos não arriscam de jeito algum é a bíbilica conjunção carnal. O sexo continua um tabu nos grotões e vilas. Até os pequenos cabarés, os velhos bregas e lupanares, fecham suas portas.

É mesmo uma tristeza a vida de puta na Semana Santa, mas elas sempre fizeram questão, justiça histórica seja feita, de suspender as atividades. É hora de jejum e penitência.

Ao macho que comete o tresloucado gesto sobra um impiedoso e cruel destino: a impotência para todo o sempre, como prega a crendice.

Um amigo do Cariri, o Clóvis, ex-coroinha, católico à vera, papa-hóstia juramentado, vivia a paranóia de que as moças só lhe davam bola durante a Semana Santa. Era um daqueles donzelos que estampavam nas feições os vincos da estiagem e da carência. Um queijudo mesmo, coitado.

Tempos depois ficamos sabendo que se tratava de pura perversidade feminina. Só para testar a resistência católica e apostólica do garoto que ajudava o padre nos rituais da missa.

Boa Semana Santa a todos. Com jejum ou com muito sexo, se possível!

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