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Xico Sá

Modos de macho, modinhas de fêmea & outros chabadabadás

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Duas ou três coisas que sei sobre as mulheres

Por xicosa
07/03/12 11:37

 

Leila Diniz no filme "Todas as mulheres do mundo"

Alguns leitores mais ácidos –é bom tê-los como fiscais do meu lirismo bregamente derramado- cutucam, provocam:

-Esse cara feio de doer é um populista com as fêmeas, quer arrebatá-las com essa conversinha mole, mimos, delicadezas, agás, nhenhenhéns…

Bem, falar mal à toa de mulher é que não vou. Besta é tu, besta é tu, como diriam os “Novos Baianos”, que as demonizam como envenenadas Evas expulsas do Paraíso.

Mulher é minha causa. Mulher é o meu dogma. Mulher sempre foi meu comunismo.

Maltratá-las é que não vou. Muito menos cair no conto de que elas não existem, como queria titio Lacan. Isso é papo-aranha de intelectual solteirão.

Tampouco é verdade essa historinha de que não sabemos o que querem as mulheres.

Pera lá. Não sabemos tudo, óbvio, não deciframos todos os mistérios, mas conhecemos muitos modos de agradá-las e cumprir parte da demanda.

Elas merecem e este, afinal, é o grande desafio na terra de um homem de boa vontade.

O que querem as mulheres? Entendemos a complexidade da clássica pergunta de Freud, mas a interrogação não veio ao mundo para nos acomodar.

Veio para instigar o cidadão.

As mulheres querem que os homens adivinhem, sintam, farejem os seus desejos como labradores do amor e antecipem essas realizações.

Bem-aventurados os que descobrem que elas estão a fim de uma viagem à montanha e levam-nas à montanha; bem-aventurados os que sabem que elas não agüentam mais aquele velho boteco sujo e levam-nas a um restaurante decente, dentro das posses, claro.

Bem-aventurados os que sabem que elas gostam de novidades e detestam quando os garçons nos dizem “o de sempre, amigo?” Essa confortável rotina é coisa de macho!

As nossas mulheres querem que tenhamos olhos só para elas. No que, aliás, foram contempladas biblicamente pelo décimo mandamento das tábuas da lei entregues por Deus a Moisés: não cobiçarás a mulher do próximo.

As mulheres querem que alternemos momentos de homens sensíveis e momentos de selvagens lenhadores.

Pena é que costumamos inverter as coisas. Na gana da obediência e do agrado, somos lenhadores quando nos queriam sensíveis e vice-versa. Comédia de erros. Onde queres Leblon sou Pernambuco… Onde queres romance, rock’n’roll…

As mulheres querem que reparemos no novo corte de cabelo, mesmo que a alteração tenha sido mínima, tipo só uma aparada nas pontas.

O radar capilar tem que acender a luzinha, sem falha, na hora, se liga! Se for luzes, entonces, cruzes!!!

As mulheres querem… massagem. Muita massagem. Primeiro nas costas, depois nos pés e sempre no ego.

As mulheres querem… molhinhos agridoces. Como elas se lambuzam lindamente!

As mulheres querem… flores e presentes. Não caia, jovem mancebo, nesse conto de que mulher gosta é de dinheiro. Se assim o fosse, amigo, os lascados de tudo não teriam nenhuma, nunca, jamé.

Repare que até debaixo do viaduto está lá a brava fêmea na companhia do desalmado. Ela e o cachorrinho magro, só o couro, o osso e a fidelidade. O que vale é a devoção, amigo.

Mesmo que você seja mais liso que os mussuns do brejo,pobre de marre-marré, pode muito bem presentear uma bijuteria com a dramaturgia de uma jóia da Tiffany´s.

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