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Do homem dominado ao macho-tupperware

Por xicosa
20/02/12 14:56

Se o Carnaval 2011 foi a festa do homem dominado –“vou não, quero não, minha mulher não deixa não”, como resumiu o hit-, a farra deste 2012 é do macho-tupperware.

Este tipo especial é aquele marmanjo que a predadora moderna pega na noite, normalmente muito borracho e sem condições técnicas de uso, para abater no dia seguinte.

Tal criatura é presa fácil em qualquer noite. No Carnaval, porém, o acesso é no balaio, na baciada. Você, amiga, cata às tuias, aos montes, em qualquer beco do Recife Velho ou nas ladeiras de Olinda.

Nesta madruga, por exemplo, testemunhei a minha amiga M.Y. arrastando uns três para casa. Parecia uma corda de caranguejos.

Especialista em homens do gênero, a danada pegou dois no “I Love Cafusú” e o outro na “Sala da Justiça”, um super-herói cansado de guerra, um capitão-lama que virou tijolo nesta manhã de segunda-feira.

A bela afilhada de Balzac, mulher linda nos seus três ponto nove turbinada, merece. Acabou de abater os mancebos e já correu para o bloco “Amantes de Glória”, na praça do Arsenal, em busca de novidades.

É, amigo, sinal dos tempos.

O macho desse tipo, assegura M.Y., é uma dócil criatura que não dá quase trabalho. É o cara ali na faixa dos 40 ou mais, já foi casado ou se trata de um solteiro convicto e não vai grudar na barra da sua saia como faria um imaturo homem jovem.

O sujeito que se guarda como a um bom fiambre no tupperware, reforça a amiga, é quase perfeito: apaga assim que deita na cama, portanto não corre o risco de desfiar besteiras ou tecer falsas promessas.

É praticamente um homem sem mentiras, o que se torna um épico em se tratando da raça, diz M.Y., com mais uma demão nas suas peculiares tintas do exagero.

A criatura do gênero nem sempre percebe a sua condição de presa guardada para o abate matinal.

A não ser os profissionais do ramo, figuras menos machistas que flanam pela noite com o desapego e o lirismo de um poeta do século XIX. Estes adoram e ainda fazem sonetos, com odes ao acaso, enquanto a predadora ingere sua inocente tigelinha de iogurte com cereais.

Para M.Y., é bom que se frise, pouco importa se o tal sujeito tem pendores românticos ou não passa de um tosco que usa apenas 10% da sua cabeça animal.

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